Didn't you grow up with a religion?

AWID Forum 2008, 14th to 17th Nov 2008 – Speaking Out against Homophobic Hate, Claiming Justice, Celebrating Rights

Don’t you want to have children? All of us will die, so for the world, you should want to bear children. Don’t you think the kind of sex you have spreads diseases? Didn’t you grow up with a religion?

These were just some of the questions (and judgments) that met an obvious disgruntled and very loud rumble from women who were in the room, women who felt hurt and offended, women who identify as lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. It would have been an emotional roller coaster of marginalisation, victimisation, fear, hate and judgment, if not for Susan Mutter-Holland’s interjection, reminding us that some women do come from a different starting point, influenced by misogyny and patriarchy. Listening to conservative and fundamentalist muslim sisters express views that sound so much like hate speech, and lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders, getting angry and wanting to censor what they’re saying and to evict them, I had to wonder whose hate we were embracing.

What does it mean for us to have these conversations in a space which most lesbians consider as the only space to enjoy some freedoms, to have that freedom ripped by the questions, judgments, and perspectives of others.

I applaud the organisers and speakers of this session.

I applaud the women who expressed their hurt and anger.

I applaud the women who recognised the fear inside themselves, the attempt for control by others, and to not be afraid of their own voices of fear and anxiety, and while believing in themselves, to bring themselves beyond and to believe too in something bigger than themselves, be it feminism, God or both.

I applaud those who recognised themselves as activists and human rights defenders who need to be able to have these types of conversations. But the woman who threw a barrage of judgments at us disappeared without waiting for a conversation.

Most lesbians, bisexual women and the transgendered are rightly demanding to make these spaces safer, safer for people who do want to engage in dialogue, in conversations, in increasing their understanding of each other without to have to fear, without threat? How do we exclude people not because of their beliefs but because they just want to judge, they don’t want to listen, they just want to point their fingers, to rant and shout to drown? How do we remain inclusive?

The reality is that no space is absolutely safe if we want to have conversations about the harder issues, if we want to have conversations that could kick us at the core of our hearts. Why do we need to make these spaces safer? Why is it that we allow a few people who obviously don’t belong, it is after all our space, who just want to disrupt, enjoy their success in making us feel extra vulnerable? Isn’t it time we turn around, standing with other feminists and women’s rights activists who have shown and continue to show support, and armed with the “power with”, to say…

You have no power over me
You cannot make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin
You do not validate me
My authenticity comes from within me, in all my complexities, but still, from me.